Summer departed as quickly as it arrived, and I find myself back on my college campus, awaiting the start of a new school year. The last time I wrote, I was just barely dipping my toe into the start of summer vacation; I had the whole summer in front of me, and now here I am with memories made and the whole summer behind me. I have the whole school year in front of me, and of course, I am curious to see what this year will bring me.
I moved in yesterday to my new on-campus apartment — no more cramped, dingy dorm room, one of the perks of being a junior in college. Move-in went smoothly, because after all, my family and I are experts at this point. However, the one thing we are still not experts at is saying goodbye. No matter how many times I leave home and go back to school throughout the year, nothing quite compares to the utter heartbreak of saying goodbye to my family on move-in day. I know, I am three years into this ride called college; I should be past the point of feeling upset over leaving home and leaving my family. But I am one of those kids who loves her family and everything about them; I love spending time with them, and I consider them to be my truest friends and my greatest confidantes. So leaving them is like leaving my heart outside of my body — I feel empty at my core, even though I know it won't be long until I see them again.
Shortly after saying goodbye, I had to pull myself together to attend meetings and presentations for all of the clubs and organizations I am a part of on campus. Although it was hard to suppress my emotions, having meetings to go to was a welcome distraction to keep my mind from straying to thoughts of home. I am a part of several organization on campus, in which I hold a few leadership positions this year; this is a change that I will take some getting used to. I am so accustomed to being the subordinate, and now I am, in some cases, in charge. Stepping into this position will be difficult, but a change that I will welcome.
Another big change occurring this year comes in the roommate department: this year, I am not only living in an apartment, I am sharing this apartment with five other girls, a drastic change from the one roommate I started out with last year and an even bigger change from having no roommate at the end of the 2014-2015 school year. Am I slightly terrified to be sharing an apartment with five other girls? Absolutely. Am I prepared to handle what may come my way in this scenario, good or bad? I hope so. All I know is that after last year's situation, I certainly learned how to handle even the prickliest of scenarios.
Beyond all of these changes, there is another shift that has occurred, but one that is not as visible. This shift has occurred within me. The events of last year — fighting and winning a roommate battle and ending a friendship with a longstanding "best friend"— taught me more than I ever could have anticipated. I learned not only how to speak up for myself, but how to respect myself and how to fight for what I deserve. These experiences taught me my own worth, and because of that, I have dreamed bigger than I ever have before, and I have more faith in those dreams that I ever have had before. I find that I believe in myself more; I believe that I can do anything, and that is a new feeling that I am still adjusting to. I used to put boundaries around myself and my abilities, constantly trying to keep my dreaming "in check." I thought I was being realistic, but I realize now that I was only boxing myself in. I recognize now that placing restraints on myself and my abilities won't propel me forward, but keep me in one place.
In some ways, I think that being holed up in my single room for the last six weeks of last semester was probably the greatest thing that ever happened to me because in that room, I found myself. Within the confines of those four walls, I learned to dream beyond the constraints I placed on myself. I learned to not only think big, but to "act big" on those thoughts to make my dreams come to pass. One of the greatest lessons I've learned in that room was to not care what anyone else thinks of me; in my freshman year of college, I was so concerned about how others perceived me, so much so that it crippled my ability to even speak to them. Today, I am not concerned with whether or not others will like me; instead, I am concerned with whether or not I will like them.
While leaving summer behind to dive back into the books is not anyone's idea of fun (and it's not my idea of fun, either), it has, for me, given rise to reflection, not only on where I've been, but where I'm bound to go. And frankly, I'm done using words such as 'if' and 'maybe,' because after all that I've been through, I'm convinced that I can do anything, even achieve my super-sized dreams.
So this year, I'm through with doubting myself and my abilities. I'm through with being uncertain and questioning if I will achieve my dreams and goals. I'm over taking a backseat to let others shine. And I'm done letting unworthy people play a role in my life. This is the year that a girl who previously never believed in herself will not only believe fully in her potential, but will also see her potential realized. I can't read the future, but I'm willing to bet that by the end of this year, I will have my dreams right in the palm of my hand.
Now excuse me while I step off my soapbox and put on my armor — a warrior is about to enter the ring of life.
-That [Warrior] University Girl
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