Everybody has that one friend that they have been friends with longer than anyone else; friends from childhood or elementary school, even middle school and high school. You know them like the back of your hand, and they know you better than anyone else.
I had a "best" friend since grammar school, and we have always managed to remain best friends even throughout high school when we expanded our friendship circles. Spending all these years with someone really allows you to get to know them, even grow close enough to them to call them family. To each other, we were sisters; we knew each others' secrets, talked about our dreams of traveling the world together, planned out our weddings (of which we were, without question, each others' maid of honor!), and even swore that the other would be the godmother to their children. We were family, and we imagined a future where we were right by each others' side, as we always were.
And within one week, the plans we spent years dreaming up shattered, the memories we made tainted, and the friendship completely fractured. What could have possibly happened?
Well, we had been talking on and off, and seemingly every time we spoke to each other, my friend would bring up that our friendship was different, that we were acting "cold" to each other. And after lengthy conversations reassuring each other of our commitment to the friendship, the conversation would return to normal and everything was fine...
Except until the next (and last) time it was brought up. The last time my friend returned with this same conversation, everything changed. In short, my "friend" implicitly informed me that all of the hours I spent listening to her everyday complaints, joys, drama, boy-talk, and everything in between were worth nothing to her. Every time I dropped everything to answer her texts, field her phone calls, and Skype with her were not good enough; I apparently owed her more.
Did I fail to mention that she hardly ever did any of this for me? I am not saying this merely out of retaliation; she truly never listened to me. In fact, I never told her half of the things I have experienced since coming to college for fear that she would not listen to me if the conversation were not about her; I never told her that I cried for the first full week of school because I was so severely homesick. I never told her about all the things I am involved in (except for brief mentions here and there), right along with casually leaving out the fact that I made the dean's list for three straight semesters (which I never told her about because I was afraid that she would think I was bragging about my successes). Even when I did tell her something, like the time one of my professors who works in the journalism industry (and who I admired so much) told me that I had natural journalistic talent, all she offered was a half-interested "That's nice."
Yet every time she did well on a test, told me about some boy she was talking to, or even just told me about her day, I listened like it was the most important thing in the world to me. Because that's what you do when you are someone's "best friend."
And what's worse, in the midst of our final conversation when I told her that her words hurt my feelings, she didn't even listen then and proceeded to tell me more of what I supposedly did wrong!
So now I find myself here, best-friendless. And as I reflect on all of this change, I can't help but reflect on what a true friend is.
A true friend is selfless, someone that would do anything for you at any time of the day without considering how it affects them.
A true friend is someone that really listens to you, someone that hangs on your every word even when you are telling the most tedious of stories.
A true friends remembers the important details of your life, whether it's your birthday or the day you move into college.
A true friend is happy for you in all of your successes and empathetic in your failings.
A true friend is genuine; they mean what they say and they say what they mean. They respect what you have to say in return.
A true friend reciprocates all of the good you give to them.
It goes without saying that no one is perfect, but a "perfect" friend will at the very least attempt to be all of these things to you and more. If you have a best friend right now, evaluate you and your friend. Are you all of these things to your friend? Does your friend reciprocate the love you give to them? If so, thank them for being a good friend. If not, it's time to reevaluate and maybe hit the 'unfriend button' in real life.
As for me, I will live. One day, if it hasn't hit me in the face already, I will see even more clearly that this "friendship" that I wrote about was no friendship at all. As the saying goes, "We met for a reason; either you're a blessing or a lesson." All I can do is learn from the lesson she has taught me about what a true friend should be, and set out in search of the people that build me up, not tear me down.
Thanks for sticking with me on this ride.
-That 'Unfriending' University Girl
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