Move-in day has come and gone already, and I now find myself sitting in my new dorm room in my sophomore year of college. That's right, I'm all moved in and unpacked, and another school year is underway. So what was this year's move-in day experience like?
My day started somewhat calmly. I didn't wake up until 9 a.m. and move-in for sophomores was between 8 a.m. and 1 p.m. My family and I ate a leisurely breakfast at home, and then decided it was time to pack the car (which we probably should have done the night before, but hey, what's done is done!). While my dad took care of that, I got dressed and we were on the road by quarter to 11. We arrived at my college pretty quickly, too quickly. And soon enough, we began to unload the car we seemingly packed just moments before.
Moving in was pretty easy, but VERY hot. Of course, we had to move in on one of the most humid days of the whole summer, and it was not a pretty sight. We were covered in sweat almost instantaneously, and our fans provided little to no relief. But, we flew through the move-in process, making the bed, putting clothes in the closet, and arranging furniture in record speed. After all, we have done this before; we are old pros now!
What was nice about moving in this year was that my family and I could work on our own time. We didn't have to worry about following my college's planned welcome events, and we could just take our time and do things leisurely. So with this freer schedule, we went out for lunch in the town surrounding my campus. We had a wonderful lunch, and then we even stopped for ice cream. I was beginning to forget why we were there in the first place. I forgot that we just hauled a car's worth of my things into a small, hot room and that I was expected to stay there. Without my family. While we were eating ice cream, it began to feel more like a routine summer day than the first day of my sophomore year.
But, it was not just another day making up a part of my four-month summer. It was time to say goodbye and start the next phase of my college journey.
All throughout the week when I was packing and getting last minute items together, I wasn't emotional. I was sad, but I didn't cry. I knew I would still miss my family, but I didn't feel as hopelessly sorrowful as I did last year.
Yet as soon as it was time for my family and I to part ways, the dam burst and every tear I had inside of me came pouring out. I hugged my dad first, then my brother, then my mom. And with each person I kissed goodbye, the tears kept falling faster and faster, harder and harder.
What's wrong with me? Shouldn't I be over this? I know I'm going to see them again, so why am I crying like they are just dropping me on the side of the road and abandoning me? All of these thoughts and questions flowed into my mind as quickly as the tears flowed from my eyes.
It wasn't until today that I realized why goodbye is still so hard for me. First, I have been home with my family since May. I was with them every day, all day for four months. To be with anyone, every day for that amount of time and then to have to leave them suddenly and have to do without them is incredibly hard. Second, and probably the most important: my family is everything to me. They are an extension of myself; they are my life. And not seeing them and only talking with them via text or short phone calls is beyond difficult.
So thus explains my emotional goodbye, and it also explains how emotional I remain. Even though I know why I am so emotional, it makes me wonder if I will ever be able to move in without being so upset when it comes time for my family to leave. And the only conclusion I can come to is this: I will never be able to move in without crying.
I think I will never get over leaving my family. Instead, I think I will have to be more focused on moving past the hurt instead of focusing my energy on trying to over it. The emotional pain of not being with my family all the time will be with me every day like a fresh scar that is opened anew every time I move in to school. And just like a fresh scar, if I touch it, it may cause the injury to reopen and hurt all over again. Instead, I should leave it alone, try to forget that it's there, and let it try to heal on its own.
Until Next Time,
-That Moved-In (But Not-So Ready) University Girl
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