A few weeks ago, I began the process of trying to change rooms in my dorm. I know, I have never previously let on that I was unhappy in my roommate situation. But, this situation was not present from the very beginning of this school year. It was a gradual slide into misery; in other words, it wasn't one major incident that triggered me to seek a room change. It was instead the buildup of smaller incidents over time, which then culminated into increasingly larger incidents that began to weigh on me.
This roommate and I started off the year as friends; we got meals together, we stayed up all night talking together, and we learned a lot about each other in a short amount of time. However, things started to deteriorate quickly. By the end of October, I began to notice a pattern in which she would not speak to me unless I spoke to her first. This pattern eventually increased to not just a day or two at a time, but to weeks and even full months by the time we hit February.
During this time, she also started to be very disrespectful toward me. First it was just being noisy in the morning when I was trying to sleep, then it increased to bringing friends back to the room at 2 a.m. on a weeknight while I was [again] trying to sleep, then it was talking about me to her friends right in front of me while in my own room. And that was the last straw.
I sought the help of someone in the residence life office who oversees the building in which I live. We had an hour-long conversation about the situation; I cried through most of it, but it was helpful to finally get my feelings out. Then, she decided to meet with my roommate separately. Once this meeting occurred, the level of tension in my room coupled with her level of disrespect toward me increased exponentially. I met with the residence life representative the next day to hear what my roommate told her; no shock here- my roommate falsified some details in her side of the story.
The following week, I met with the same representative of residence life again because the situation had intensified within a week's time, and it was beginning to affect my schoolwork: I began missing assignments because I was so distracted by all of this nonsense. The representative, who was totally supportive of me and my side of the story, told me that she wanted to set up a meeting between me and my roommate to try to mediate the situation. I promptly gave meeting times, while my roommate ignored her request altogether. Once we realized that she was trying to avoid the situation, swift action was taken, and now here I am, writing from my own single room away from my ex-roommate and all of her issues.
For those of you reading this who may have had (or are currently experiencing) a similar situation, do not be afraid to take action. Go speak to your residence life office and see what can be done to help you. And whatever you do, do not take no for an answer. If the situation is affecting your life as it was affecting mine, then something needs to be done. Keep trying to politely reach a resolution, and be your own advocate- no one is going to speak up for you, so learn to do it for yourself.
Now that I am on the other side of this situation, I see not only what a difficult situation this was, but also what a learning experience this was for me. Never in my life have I had to speak up for myself and advocate on my own behalf in such a significant way, and this experience has taught me how to do that in a poised, composed manner. It also taught me that I deserve so much more than what some people think I deserve; I deserve respect and kindness, among other things, just like everyone else in this world.
What's more is that it taught me that I am more powerful than I ever imagined. Where does this power come from? By virtue of being a human being. We all are powerful beyond our wildest dreams, and all we need is one trying moment like this to unleash that power. This experience taught me that I hold the power to change my life and to make it everything I have ever dreamed of and more.
While reflecting on this situation and its outcome today, I remembered one of my favorite songs (a song that I think is my theme song). It's called "Watch Me Rise," an anthemic song sung by Mikky Ekko. In the chorus, Ekko sings, "I-I-I-I'm still standing / I-I-I-I'm still climbing / Even when the rest are falling, the rest are falling / The rest are falling / I-I-I-I'm still standing, I-I-I-I'm still climbing / Even when the best are falling, the best are falling / The best are falling / You say, say my name / Cause once I get my head above the clouds / I'm never coming down / Say, say my name /
Cause once I get my head above the cloudy skies / Watch me rise / Watch me rise."
The message in this song it the exact message that I learned from this roommate situation: that given the opportunity, I will rise above the "clouds" of negativity, of disrespectful people, and of trying situations to become the best version of myself possible. Now that this situation has come to a close, I feel not beaten up by it, but empowered by it; I feel like I am the me that I was always supposed to be. I feel like I am finally taking ownership of my life; I am the CEO of my life and I am determined to make the 'business' of my life the most successful it can be. And the trajectory of my life can only go up from here.
I am in charge, and no one is going to stop me. All they can do is watch me rise.
-That University Girl
No comments:
Post a Comment